


Puppy Dog Eyes

by hokageshizune



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kakashi is a big brother, Panic Attacks, Tags may change as chapters are added, it's not super graphic but enough that i think it's important to tag it, who's also been through a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 15:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokageshizune/pseuds/hokageshizune
Summary: Kakashi had lost everything that was ever important to him, and vowed to never let anyone else in. What happens when he's forced to meet Naruto, the son of his dead sensei?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write a fic where Kakashi raises Naruto as an older brother, but here we are!

Kakashi had never been able to turn down puppy dog eyes, anyone could see that by the sheer number of ninkin summons he had. But human eyes, well that was a different story.

There were only ever three people in his life he couldn’t turn down if they gave him puppy dog eyes: Minato, Kushina, and Gai.

The look on Minato and Kushina’s faces whenever he would attempt to refuse an invitation to dinner always filled him with guilt. Especially Minato—his sensei had puppy dog eyes down to a science, and could probably guilt anyone into doing whatever he wanted. But for some reason he only ever used that power to guilt Kakashi into coming over for dinner.

He would never admit it out loud, and probably never to himself, but Kakashi missed those dinners, they made him feel warm inside—like he had finally found a place he belonged, his family.

But then everything went wrong.

It all started when Obito died, crushed by a boulder on Kakashi’s first mission as a jōnin, saving him no less. Now he was hated by the Uchiha clan for his “stolen” sharingan, which had been Obito’s dying gift.

A year later and Rin jumped in front of his chidori, effectively punching a hole through her chest. Every time he fell asleep, all he could see was their faces looking back at him, the faces of his two biggest failures.

“ _Friend-killer Kakashi_ ” is what they called him, but they didn’t know, how could they?

He began withdrawing into himself again, similar to how he did after his father’s death, but different all the same. Instead of focusing on following the rules and regulations to the letter, he began taking on some of Obito’s traits. Kakashi began arriving everywhere late, first only by a minute, then ten, then by several hours. He came up with the most pitiful excuses.

“ _I was lost on the road of life_ ,” he would say; meaning that he had actually stood in front of the memorial stone for hours with a guilty conscious. He had let them die, he was the one responsible for their deaths. It was a mantra he repeated every time he washed his hands, every time he formed the hand signs for chidori. Their deaths were his fault.

Kakashi was fourteen when it happened. He was fourteen when the rest of his family died. He was fourteen when he decided to not let anyone else in. He was fourteen and everyone he ever cared about was dead.

Kakashi was fourteen when the Kyūbi attacked, when he lost his sensei and Kushina. He was fourteen and had no more tears left to cry.

Everything changed again when he met the ANBU—no, child—Kinoe. For being one of Danzō’s ANBU, Kinoe was surprisingly sympathetic; although, that was partly to do with the fact that he wasn’t even ten years old.

But still, Kakashi knew the boy would be crushed by Danzō and his program. Not wanting to make matters more complicated, Kakashi decided to not inform Lord Third.

Perhaps this had been a miscalculation on Kakashi’s part, but his blind faith in the man had dwindled after the Kyūbi attack. He knew that the Third wasn’t responsible for Minato-sensei and Kushina’s deaths, but he couldn’t help but feel betrayed by how he treated and ignored their son.

Three years, and numerous assassinations, later, Kakashi’s trust in Kinoe was justified when he refused to take Kakashi’s sharingan for Danzō. However, this forced him to inform Lord Third about Kinoe and his mokuton release in order to save him from Danzō’s wrath.

Saving Kinoe—no, Tenzō—from Danzō was the first time in forever that Kakashi felt that he had made a positive impact on someone’s life. People still called him ‘friend-killer Kakashi,’ but it was okay; Kakashi knew he would do _anything_ to save a comrade, and now Tenzō knew that too. He didn’t want to jinx anything, but things seemed to be looking up.

That was until he saw Naruto for the first time since the Kyūbi attack. It had been so hard for him, he looked exactly like Minato, except for the little things. He would overhear other ANBU talking about how difficult of a child he was, how he was always pulling pranks. _That was all Kushina_ , he thought.

Every time he smiled or laughed, all Kakashi could see was Kushina. But because he had known Kushina, had known Minato, Kakashi knew immediately that those smiles and laughs were fake.

He wanted to know why a four-year-old would have to fake happiness, so he watched Naruto for the rest of the day.

Kakashi was pissed. At the civilians for their deep-seated hatred of Naruto; at Lord Third for everything about Naruto’s situation—from his housing to the fact that the civilians knew he was a jinchūriki, which should have been an S-class secret, to the fact that Naruto’s heritage had been made an S-class secret. And he was pissed at himself for not noticing earlier.

Naruto was practically his younger brother, and yet, he hadn’t even noticed the abuse that Naruto had been going through for four years. Yes, Kakashi was angry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi finally meets Naruto!

Tenzō knew immediately something was wrong with Kakashi, hell, half the ANBU probably knew something was up. Kakashi was practically radiating cold anger, and Tenzō felt bad for whoever had to face his wrath.

Kakashi was still seething with anger the next day. How dare _anyone_ treat a child like that?

If he had his way, no one would ever treat the boy that way ever again. But Kakashi knew, from experience, that the public’s hatred is not easily quelled.

Luckily—or not luckily—Team Ro wasn’t being given any missions until they were assigned a new member, which meant as captain, Kakashi could force Tenzō to watch over Naruto with him.

It surprised him how quickly Naruto had wormed his way into his cold and broken heart. Especially considering it had taking Gai, arguably the most persistent and kind shinobi, literal years to find a place there, and even now, he kept Gai at an arm’s length in an attempt to protect him. The people closest to Kakashi tended to end up dead, which is why he decided all those years ago to not let anyone else in.

And yet, he found himself letting Naruto, and Tenzō, in, rather easily too.

A soft voice broke him out of his thoughts, “Captain, should we do something?”

Kakashi looked down to see Naruto in the middle of setting up for a prank, and was immediately reminded of Kushina. She had always loved these sorts of things, and would pull pranks on anyone who insulted her—or on Minato when he’d tease her.

He sighed, “no, these people probably had it coming.”

Tenzō tilted his head, an indication of his confusion behind his cat mask, but Kakashi didn’t offer an explanation. What could he possibly say? “ _Oh, he’s the son of my former sensei, the Fourth Hokage, and everyone has been treating him like shit because he’s a jinchūriki_.”

Just thinking about Naruto’s situation made his blood boil, but he didn’t know what he could do to help beyond watching from the shadows. It felt like the universe was playing some cruel joke on him. Again.

His heart ached; here was a boy who was suffering, not unlike he had, and yet, he had no idea how to help. He wasn’t Minato or Kushina, he wasn’t good with other people, he wasn’t even a good person. Anyone could see that from his reputation and his inability to protect his teammates.

“ _Sensei, I don’t know what to do,_ ” Kakashi said in the barest of a whisper, not even realizing he had said it aloud.

“Uh, Captain, are you alright?”

Kakashi had forgotten that Tenzō was with him, and was startled by his voice.

“What? —oh, I’m fine, why?”

Tenzō shrugged, “you just muttered something about not knowing what to do.”

“Oh,” he was suddenly glad for his mask, as it hid his slight blush of embarrassment, “it’s nothing.”

“Is this about why we’re watching this kid?” Tenzō asked tentatively.

He didn’t know how to respond; he had forgotten just how observant Tenzō was. For what was probably the fiftieth time that day, Kakashi sighed.

If he couldn’t tell Tenzō, then who the hell could he tell? He would’ve considered telling Gai, but Naruto’s heritage was an S-class secret, and Gai had a tendency to shout things from the top of his lungs.

“He’s the son of my former sensei and his wife, but they both died during the Kyūbi attack,” Kakashi paused, and took a deep breath, while Tenzō simply nodded—lots of people had died during that attack.

“and he’s the new jinchūriki,” Kakashi whispered, barely above a murmur, “and everyone—especially the citizens—absolutely hate him. I haven’t seen them hate anyone this much since—” Kakashi shut that train of thought down, there was no way he could compare Naruto to Sakumo, the feared White Fang of the Leaf, and a coward.

“Oh,” Tenzō wasn’t sure how to respond, “does he know who you are?”

Kakashi shook his head, not trusting his voice enough to reply.

“Well, let’s go introduce ourselves then.”

“What? –No! I can’t—”

But it was too late, Tenzō had already wrapped his hand around Kakashi’s arm, and dragged him to the ground to meet Naruto, who somehow managed to look so much smaller than he had from the tree.

“Who’re you? ‘ttebayo!”

Kakashi stayed silent, how was he supposed to respond? He was technically working, so it’s not like he could properly introduce himself—

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Tenzō’s response.

“I am ANBU Cat, but you can call me Cat-san, and this,” Tenzō pointed at Kakashi, “is Dog.”

“Well, I’m Uzumaki Naruto, and I’m gonna be Hokage, dattebayo!”

Kakashi’s breath hitched, he was so much like his mother, right down to her verbal tic. And he held both of his parents' dreams.

“It’s nice to meet you Naruto-kun, but we were curious as to what you’ve been working on, can you tell us about it?” Tenzō inquired, noticing Kakashi's hesitation.

Kakashi stood by and watched as Naruto’s eyes opened wide with disbelief and excitement before he began explaining his intricate plan to prank the ‘mean’ civilians. He figured that no one had ever asked Naruto about his interests before, but to see him light up with happiness at a single question made Kakashi’s heart hurt even more, if that was even possible.

“—but I’d never prank Old Man Teuchi, he’s so nice and gives me free ramen sometimes! Ichiraku ramen is the best!”

It was strange, up until a few days ago, Kakashi had been convinced his heart had been broken too many times to ever feel happy again. But Naruto was just like his parents, filled with an immense amount of warmth and kindness that could make anyone feel good. Even someone as broken as Kakashi apparently.

Kakashi was pulled out of his thoughts when, out of seemingly nowhere, a small body ran up to him, hesitation clear in the boy’s posture. And in a tone more tentative than Kakashi had heard from him thus far, Naruto asked, purposely avoiding eye contact, “D-dog-san? Co-could me and Cat-san go to Ichiraku?”

Kakashi wanted to say no, that they had a mission to complete—a lie, but Naruto didn’t need to know that.

“I don’t know—"

But then Naruto looked up at him with puppy dog eyes—the exact same ones Minato used to make. Suddenly he didn’t see Naruto anymore, he saw Minato guilting him into going to dinner with him and Kushina. And Kakashi could no longer say no, not to those eyes, never to those eyes.

He sighed, “fine, but—”

Kakashi paused, and squatting down to Naruto's height, he could see apprehension clearly on the boy’s face—he wore his emotions on his sleeve, just like Kushina.

“—But _only_ if I can go too.”

Perhaps he wasn’t strong enough as a shinobi if he would give in that easily to a pair of human puppy dog eyes, but the look on Naruto’s face, one of pure elation and joy, almost made agreeing worth it. Almost.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi and Naruto eat at Ichiraku together.

Kakashi was a trained killer, an elite jōnin, an ANBU captain. Yet here he was, being dragged through the village by a hyperactive, blond four-year-old. He completely blamed Tenzō.

Naruto was gripping Kakashi’s wrist with more strength than a four-year old should have. Not that it was enough force to keep Kakashi from breaking free if he wanted to—but that’s the thing, he didn’t really want to. Naruto was babbling about something, probably ramen, while dragging Kakashi toward his favorite ramen shop, Ichiraku.

There was something about this that was quickly becoming the norm—it was the fourth time in the past two weeks that Naruto had scammed him into buying ramen. Kakashi would never admit it to another person, hell, he could barely admit it to himself, but every time Naruto dragged him through the streets like this, he was reminded of Kushina during his genin days. She would always drag him across town to get food after his training with Minato, typically ranting about something or another. Her favorite topics being ramen and Minato (usually at his expense).

Looking back now, it was probably because he had just lost his father, so neither her nor Minato wanted him to be alone for long periods at a time. Back then, he would never have admitted it, especially to himself, but he was grateful for them. For most of his life they had been a constant. As a child, he had viewed them as a constant annoyance, but a necessary one—Minato and Kushina were helping him with his training, helping him get stronger. It wasn’t until later that he viewed them more as his parents, even if they were only ten years older than him—not that he ever told them that.

Just looking at Naruto now, with a grin wider than Kakashi thought was possible, his heart hurt. Minato and Kushina would’ve been the best parents, especially for Naruto. They were supportive and kind, but also not afraid to enforce the rules. Unlike Kakashi, they had fought in the Third Shinobi war and come out good people.

They had been so _excited_ when they found out Kushina was pregnant. Kakashi had been the first person Minato had told (secretly Kakashi was sure Uchiha Mikoto had been told before him), and they wanted their child to see him as an older brother. They had named Jiraiya his godfather, and Kakashi still wasn’t sure why Kushina had agreed to it—she all but despised the man, and he was always out of the village. Hell, he hadn’t been back to the village since before their deaths, before Naruto was born. It almost felt like he was avoiding Naruto and his duties as his godfather. Not that he was really suited to ever be a godfather.

Privately, Kakashi thought Mikoto would have made a better godmother for Naruto. She already had two sons, one of whom was around Naruto’s age. But he was sure that there had been some issues between the Uchiha clan and the council elders that had prevented her from being named his godmother. It probably didn’t help that she was the wife of the Uchiha clan head.

“Dog-oniisan! You’re not listening!”

Kakashi looked down at the little boy, who was pouting up at him.

“hm? Of course I’m listening,” he responded with a light smile, closing his visible eye, having very much not been listening to what Naruto was talking about.

The smile that broke out on Naruto’s face was brighter than—hm, he wasn’t sure what comparison to make. It was brighter than Minato and Kushina’s had ever been, in a way that only childlike innocence can manage. But if Minato and Kushina had smiles as bright as the sun, then Kakashi had run out of things bright enough to compare Naruto’s grin to.

Perhaps it was like staring directly at a flash of lightning on a pitch-black night. Yes, that was a perfect comparison, for his grin was sudden and blinding, but calming all the same.

Kakashi had always been partial to stormy nights over bright sunshine anyways. There was something about storms at night that calmed him, and nothing could compare to the smell of fresh rain.

Whenever he couldn’t sleep, which was often, he liked to lay on the roof of his apartment complex and just exist, taking in all the sounds of the village, and—if he strained his ears—the sounds of the forest. It wasn’t exactly strange that he felt calmed by being outside because he often felt stifled indoors, especially at night.

“Oniichan! There it is! Hurry up, ‘ttebayo!!” Naruto shouted, as he tugged (unsuccessfully) at Kakashi’s wrist in an effort to speed him up.

“Maa, maa, I’m coming,” he said, as he purposely dragged his feet, forcing them to slow down. Laughing when Naruto pouted at him, Kakashi fell back into his normal rhythm just as they reached the shop. Laughter came easily around Naruto, the boy practically radiated warmth and happiness around people he knew, and trusted.

“Ah, Naruto! How have you been?”

“Old man! Dog-oniichan said he’d treat me to ramen!”

Teuchi chuckled at that, and asked, “so what’ll you be having tonight?”

“Miso ramen with extra pork dattebayo!”

“and for you ANBU-san?”

“I’ll have the same.”

“Two miso ramen with extra pork coming right up!”

Despite Kakashi already knowing how much energy Naruto contained, he was still surprised how Naruto managed to practically vibrate in his seat from excitement. Especially for something as simple as ramen.

But having experience as to how the system treats orphans, especially those despised by the general public, Kakashi figured the trips to Ichiraku were the best meals Naruto was getting. He may not have any experience dealing with children, but he knew damn well that people, especially children, couldn’t survive on ramen alone.

Still, how could he say no to Naruto when he was completely elated with something as simple as ramen? Speaking of which—

“Two bowls of miso ramen, enjoy!”

“Itadakimasu!” Naruto exclaimed, before digging in.

Kakashi skillfully moved his ANBU mask to the side so that only the lower half of his face was visible. With one hand gripping his other mask, the one that people seemed to think was permanently stuck on his face, he too said “Itadakimasu.”

He then lowered his mask and began to eat, not noticing that Naruto was already almost finished with his bowl.

Kakashi knew he had always been a relatively quick eater, so to say he was surprised when he looked over at Naruto, only to see him asleep on the counter next to his empty ramen bowl, would be an understatement.

There was a quick moment of panic—what was he supposed to do with a sleeping child? He didn’t even know what to do with a _not_ sleeping child. Looking back at his own life as a four-year-old was not an option for two reasons: one, he was already enrolled in the academy at that age; and two, it would require remembering _that_ man.

Deciding that it would probably be easiest if he just carried Naruto back to the boy’s apartment instead of waking him up, Kakashi put the money on the counter. Then came the hard part: figuring out how to carry a relatively small child.

Teuchi must have noticed his confusion, or how he was just awkwardly standing next to a sleeping Naruto, and came over to help. He ended up instructing Kakashi on the best way to carry a child, especially a sleeping child.

“—you’ll want to put one of your hands here, behind his head, and your other arm under him for support.”

“like this?”

“Yes! But there’s no need to be so stiff,” Teuchi chuckled, “it’s clear you’ve never held a child before!”

“Ah,” Kakashi shifted awkwardly, if one of his hands had been free, he would’ve been scratching behind his head (a habit he probably picked up from his sensei), “well, uh, yeah.”

He could feel his face heating up behind both his masks; why did he even get this embarrassed around these sorts of things? None of Gai’s challenges ever made him blush out of embarrassment, so why now? He didn’t understand.

Kakashi’s mind barely registered that Teuchi was saying something, but was too preoccupied by his thoughts to pay much attention.

“—too big now, already nine years old, can you believe? Time sure flies.”

There was a far-off look in Teuchi’s eyes, and Kakashi wasn’t sure how to respond, so he simply nodded.

“I have to go, thank you.”

“Ah! Of course, take care of my best customer!”

Kakashi could tell by Teuchi’s smile that he meant every word. He was relieved that there were at least some kind civilians, who saw Naruto as more than the tailed-beast inside him, even if they were few and far between.

As he was walking (Teuchi had warned him not to move fast while carrying a child), Kakashi’s mind wandered. He had been awake since practically sunrise for a particularly grueling mission, which ended up taking most of the day.

After the mission, he had been practically dead on his feet, so why had he stopped by the playground on his way back? It wasn’t even on the way back to his apartment, and he had just seen Naruto a few days ago. It didn’t make sense that he could already be attached to the boy, yet, based on his actions, he probably was. Perhaps he could blame his actions on sleep deprivation. They say sleep deprivation can be worse than being drunk, so it wouldn’t be unreasonable.

Kakashi sighed. _At least that kid is going to grow up to be a skilled ninja,_ he thought, remembering back to finding Naruto at the playground.

_Kakashi landed silently on a branch of a tree near the playground, still suppressing his chakra from the mission he had just finished, out of habit. His eyes began to scan the area for Naruto, knowing that this was one of his favorite places to play._

_He hadn’t even been looking for two seconds when he heard a young voice call out, “Dog-oniisan!”_

_Kakashi looked down, expecting to see Naruto at the base of the tree, but when he wasn’t there, his eyes turned back to the playground. There was Naruto, approximately fifty meters away, and closing, running as fast as his little legs could carry him. There was no way that he should have been able to sense, let alone see, Kakashi from that distance._

_He hopped to the ground from the tree, meeting Naruto on the playground._

_“How’d you know I was there?” he asked in a light tone, resisting the urge to ruffle the young boy’s bright hair._

_“I dunno, just did!” Suddenly, Naruto’s eyes brightened, and a smile broke out on his face._

_“Dog-oniisan! Oniisan! Can we go get ramen? Can we?”_

_And there were those (infamous) puppy dog eyes that Kakashi could never deny, so he found himself agreeing. He barely had time to nod before Naruto was off, dragging him along by his wrist._

Kakashi was glad that his feet seemed to remember the path, because he was _exhausted_. All he wanted to do was to get back to his apartment and fall asleep, it was a wonder that he was still upright.

Truth be told, even if Teuchi hadn’t told him to walk, he probably would have anyways. It’s not like he had the energy to run, let alone perform a shunshin.

By the time he made it to his apartment, he barely had the energy to keep walking. He had no idea how he was still standing at this point.

Kakashi was about to take off his ANBU mask, when he realized he was holding something. The “something” turned out to be Naruto, so his sleep-deprived brain decided to lay the boy on the couch for the night, covering him with a blanket for good measure.

By the time he finally made it to his bed, Kakashi barely had the time to take off his mask and lay down before he was asleep. And, for the first time in forever, sleep did not bring nightmares with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get up! I have some ideas for where I want to take the next chapter. I was going to have part of it be in this chapter, but I thought it would be better suited for the next chapter instead. I hope you liked this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi wakes up, only to find a sleeping Naruto on his couch.

Kakashi woke up with the sunrise, having forgotten to pull down the blinds on his window the night before. Figuring that he wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep now that he was awake, he walked out of his room to fix himself breakfast—only to see a small figure asleep on his couch.

Without thinking, Kakashi quickly pulled out a kunai, but soon remembered the events of the previous day. How, in his exhausted state, he managed to walk to his own apartment instead of Naruto’s, and how he didn’t even think twice about laying the boy on his couch to sleep, Kakashi had no idea.

Now, however, it sent him into a state of pure panic. Naruto only knew him as ANBU dog, and ANBU were to keep their identities a secret from everyone, no matter what. Not to mention, Naruto had been asleep when they arrived, so how would he take to waking up in an unfamiliar place?

Kakashi had no idea what to do; he was confused and terrified, so he ran to the only person he knew would be awake right now—Maito Gai, his so-called “eternal rival.”

_‘I fucked everything up! Shit!_ ’ was racing through his mind, seemingly on repeat, for his entire run to training ground nine, where he knew Gai trained every morning, without fail.

Landing somewhat ungracefully next to Gai, Kakashi immediately thought, _what the fuck do I tell him? How do I explain the situation I’ve gotten myself into?_

“Eternal Rival! Have you decided to join me in training this youthful morning?” and with that, Gai struck his self-named “good-guy pose,” consisting of a thumbs up, and a smile that seemed to sparkle regardless of light.

“hm? Oh, no. Actually, I…I uh,” Kakashi had no idea what to say to him. He had left his apartment in a panic, with no real plan beyond finding Gai. He had never been good with words, especially when expressing his feelings, or asking for help. Not to mention, he probably looked like shit, as he had just gotten out of bed not even ten minutes ago.

Averting his eyes from Gai, Kakashi decided to look at the ground, catching a glimpse of what he was wearing out of the corner of his eye. He was still wearing the same outfit he had on yesterday, stains and all. How he had managed to even sleep in his standard ANBU uniform was beyond him.

It was not often that Kakashi wished that someone could read his mind, but right now, he wished that Gai could. On the verge of a panic attack, Kakashi was at a loss for words, and it seemed that he was unable to properly use his voice anyways. He couldn’t get enough air into his lungs, like his mask was trying to suffocate him.

As it were, Gai had managed to pick up that something was off; although, to be fair, it wasn’t often that Kakashi sought him out—especially in such an obviously panicked state.

His expression changed from one of pleasantly surprised to one of concern, as he asked gently, “Eternal Rival? Is something wrong?”

Despite Kakashi considering them to be friends, and having known Gai since they were young, his concern was still startling. In the back of his mind, Kakashi knew that Gai obviously cared for him, indicated by the fact that he was the only one who seemed to stand by him no matter what. Even when everyone else called him “friend-killer Kakashi,” he could always count on Gai to be there with his ridiculous challenges. He was persistent, and never gave up, even when Kakashi treated him with disdain or belittled him.

Perhaps that’s why he could feel his carefully maintained façade of calm indifference crumbling with every passing second. And with a voice cracking with suppressed emotions, and tears threating to spill, Kakashi finally managed to get out “I … I need help.”

Why that admission of needing help took practically everything he had, Kakashi had no idea. Well, that wasn’t _quite_ true. He figured that years of seeing emotions and needing help as the greatest weaknesses a shinobi could have probably had something to do with it. But with that simple admission out of the way, the rest of the story came tumbling out, in no comprehensible order.

How Naruto had fallen asleep at Ichiraku’s last night, who Naruto was because he realized he never told Gai that he had been watching him, that he accidently brought a sleeping Naruto back to his apartment, and how Naruto only knew him as ANBU dog.

Kakashi took several deep breaths, and, in the smallest voice possible, muttered “what do I do now?”

In a belated attempt to hide his sudden outburst of emotions, Kakashi brought his hands up to cover his face. It was only at this point that he noticed the tear tracks that had made it down his face, only to be absorbed by his mask. He wasn’t sure when the tears had started, but they had since stopped, leaving the salt incrusted on his skin as a reminder.

Gai was silent after his admission, but Kakashi could still sense his chakra nearby, slowly approaching him. The strong, warm arms that wrapped around him were a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. They seemed to ground him in the moment, yet never felt constricting. Although it took a Kakashi a little while, he gradually began to relax, and as his breathing returned to normal, small hiccups replaced his initial state of panic and frenzy.

Had it been anyone else, like Genma, Kakashi would have expected them to laugh at him. But this was Gai, and despite his big, boisterous personality, he knew when, and how, to take things seriously. And above all, he _cared_.

With a soft voice, Gai delicately said “Let’s get you back to your apartment to clean up a bit, so you can properly introduce yourself to the young Naruto.”

Still not trusting his voice, Kakashi simply nodded his head in response, everything seemed so much simpler when Gai said it. Sometimes Kakashi wished he had the confidence to always make the right choice. But he had made far too many mistakes, had lost too many people, to ever know what that was like.

When Gai slowly removed his arms from around him, Kakashi almost shivered from the cool air that had replaced Gai’s touch. He found himself wishing for, no, _craving_ further contact, but he pushed it down, reasoning that this feeling was a result of his earlier panic. A good shinobi didn’t need or want any of these things.

Still, there was something calming about their run back to Kakashi’s apartment, whether it simply be Gai’s presence, or even the easy silence they fell into back at the training ground. Whatever it was, Kakashi was feeling better than he had in days, despite knowing what he still had to do.

Looking over at the man running next to him, Kakashi realized he had never truly appreciated Gai before this morning. As a child, he had always belittled him, seeing him less as a rival, and more of an annoyance. More recently, he had taken to ignoring the man and his relentless proclamations of challenges. But now he was grateful.

He quickly shifted his eyes away from Gai, and practically whispered “thank you.”

With his head facing straight ahead, it was difficult to tell if he had heard him, but then Gai nodded. All it took was a slight movement of his head, and Kakashi knew. This one nod seemed to say, “of course, I’m always here for you,” and that was enough.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They arrived at Kakashi’s apartment an hour after he left, and the sun was still making its way above the horizon.

Closing the window upon entrance, Gai looked around Kakashi’s apartment, noting the obvious lack of decorations or personal items, before he looked toward the couch, where Naruto still lay, sound asleep.

“I’m going to go wash up,” Kakashi whispered, in order to not wake the boy up. Then, pointing down the hall, continued, “there’s a table that way, if you’d like to sit down.”

Grabbing a towel from his room, Kakashi slipped into his bathroom for a quick shower. The hot water soothed his tense muscles, which he hadn’t noticed until he stepped under the water. Although he usually wasn’t one for morning showers, he could feel himself feeling better as he ran shampoo and conditioner through his hair. Granted, he was sure anyone would feel better, _cleaner_ , after washing off a day’s worth of dirt and grime.

He allowed his mind to wander slightly, and began thinking about how Gai was probably continuing the workout Kakashi interrupted, in his kitchen. Just imagining Gai going through various katas and pushups in his apartment brought an amused smile to Kakashi’s face. _I hope he doesn’t break anything_.

Stepping out of the shower, Kakashi felt refreshed. Wrapping his towel around his waist, he quickly made his way back to his room to get dressed. He didn’t have anything going on until noon, when he and Tenzō were to meet at the Hokage’s office in order to be introduced to their new teammate. If the rumors were anything to go by, they were going to be the Uchiha prodigy—Itachi.

_Have I really not done laundry in weeks?_ Kakashi thought, as he sorted through his clothes, looking for something clean and comfortable. Finally, he found a pair of dark blue pants and a long-sleeved shirt to match.

Satisfied with his outfit, he walked out of his room, with the intention of figuring out what Gai had been up to in his absence. Noting that Naruto was still asleep, and Gai wasn’t in the room, Kakashi headed to the only room left—the kitchen.

Fully expecting to encounter Gai in the middle of an exercise, he was surprised to see him leaning over a large pan on the stove. As not to interrupt, Kakashi just leaned against the doorframe to watch him work.

“Eternal Rival!” he exclaimed as he turned around a few moments later, “I didn’t see you there! But I would expect nothing less from my Rival!”

Kakashi merely shrugged in response, and pushing himself off the doorframe, asked “so what are you making?”

“Congee! Just like my papa taught me! It was lucky you already had frozen rice, so it should be done in about 15 minutes!”

He nodded, remembering how Gai’s father, Dai, had been a really good cook, or at least he had been the few times Gai had dragged him back to his house for dinner. But living on a genin’s pay wasn’t easy, so they were often limited to simple, rice-based meals. Of course that hadn’t stopped Maito Dai from providing his son with delicious, traditional meals, nor from always being there for his son—until the very end.

Just as he had told Gai, all those years ago, there really was no shinobi cooler than his father.

Kakashi was brought out of his reminiscing when Gai stood up to check the congee.

“It should be done in a minute or so, if you want to go wake up Naruto?”

He had phrased it as a question, offering Kakashi a way out, if he wanted. Even though he knew that he had to be the one to wake Naruto up, Kakashi still appreciated what Gai had done. Kakashi just nodded, before he silently stood up from where he had been sitting at the table.

It was quite remarkable how Naruto had managed to sleep through everything that happened, but with breakfast about ready, it was time for him wake up. There was only one problem: Kakashi had no idea how to wake children up. If someone had tried to wake him up as a child, he probably would’ve tried to stab them.

Kakashi paused for a second to hope that Naruto didn’t have the same habit, before he gently shook his shoulder, whispering, “Naruto, it’s time to wake up.”

Luckily for Kakashi, Naruto didn’t try to stab him, but all he did was groan and roll away from him.

_Well, there goes plan A, what now?_ That’s when Kakashi remembered how excited Naruto got every time they went out for food.

“Naruto, breakfast is ready.”

“Breakfast!?” Naruto sat up quickly, and looked around. With confusion written all over his face, he finally realized that this wasn’t his bed, or his apartment.

“Wait, Dog-niichan? Why’re you ‘ere? Where am I? Where’s your mask?” His words slurred together, still heavy with sleep, and in different situation, it might have been adorable. _Wait—where had that thought come from?_

Realizing that Naruto had asked him questions, Kakashi quickly shook his head to clear his thoughts. He figured it would be easiest to start by explaining who he was, then try to explain how Naruto had gotten here—and where ‘here’ was. But of all the responses he had imagined, Naruto recognizing him without his ANBU mask was not a part of any of them.

Taking a deep breath, he started, “I’m— My … my name is— you can call me Kakashi. But since I belong to AN—,” wait, he couldn’t tell a four-year-old what ANBU was, and what they did, “a … a special group of shinobi, I often have to wear a mask to hide my identity. So, when I’m wearing my mask, you have to call me ‘Dog,’ okay?”

Naruto’s eyes widened with the revelation, but was quick to accept this new information, as shown by his enthusiastic nodding.

Sighing with relief now that the hard part was over, Kakashi continued, “As for where you are, you fell asleep at Ichiraku’s last night, so I brought you back to my apartment, since it was closer, which is where you are now.”

His wide eyes, which Kakashi had initially thought was indicative of surprise, were suddenly accompanied by a wide smile. This was the only warning he got before he was tackled by a four-year-old. It turned out that the ‘tackle’ was actually a ‘hug’ by one very excited Naruto.

“So, are you ready for breakfast?”

“Oh yeah! Breakfast! No one’s ever made me breakfast before!” And from Naruto’s awe-filled expression, it was the truth. But with that statement, Naruto sped off down the hall toward the kitchen, as if he had been here a hundred times, leaving Kakashi behind to think about what he had said.

Kakashi sort of knew what it was like, but he had been slightly older than Naruto when Sakumo died. So he could still remember what it was like to have someone make him breakfast in the morning—if he wanted to.

As his death, Kakashi went just as many days with breakfast as he did without. In the beginning, it had been difficult for him to get up with enough time to make it. Even the most simple breakfasts, like tamago kake gohan, took time to cook. So, half the time he would just take a food pill and eat something after training.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kakashi knew that Naruto didn’t have anyone, so it would logically make sense that no one had ever made him breakfast before, but it still hurt. Naruto’s words struck a chord with Kakashi, and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Silently, he made a self-rule to make Naruto breakfast (or any meal really) as often as he could.

Being in ANBU didn’t leave him much spare time, but maybe between he and Gai, Naruto could get a healthier breakfast most days. Most days wasn’t perfect, but it was be better than none, and Kakashi would take that.

Still in the living room, Kakashi could hear as Naruto began asking Gai questions in a loud, demanding voice. “Who’re you? What’s for breakfast? Do you live with Kakashi-niichan?”

Gai laughed boisterously with his questions, before responding “I am Konoha’s Noble Green Beast, Maito Gai!”

After his _youthful_ introduction, Gai once again struck his “Good Guy” pose, before continuing with his speech.

“You have the most Youthful Spirit! So of course you are acquainted with my Eternal Rival, Kakashi!”

Watching from the doorway, Kakashi observed the scene before him: Gai, with tears like rivers, crouching down to embrace Naruto in an unyielding hug. Something inside of him warmed at the sight. He almost, _almost_ , wished this could last forever. But he knew, possibly better than anyone else, that good times never last, and in the end, all that’s left is a bittersweet memory. Even so, he found his left eye opening, etching this moment to his memory forever.

And if during breakfast Kakashi’s heart felt a little warmer, well, he never told anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note about the foods:  
> Congee is one of many traditional Chinese breakfasts, and it's kind of like a rice porridge  
> Tamago kake gohan is a traditional Japanese breakfast, and it's egg rice (where a raw egg is mixed into hot rice)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope that I did Gai justice!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Ro gains a new member, and Kakashi begins to question his place in ANBU.

Kakashi was almost late to Training Ground Three, where he had told Team Ro to meet at noon, all because Naruto refused to let him leave without a promise to take him for ramen later that week. That, and the fact that Naruto’s apartment was on the complete opposite side of the village from the training ground.

However, upon his arrival, it was clear that there were more ANBU members present than just Team Ro. And from the ground littered with kunai and shuriken, it was obvious that the older members wanted to test the new ANBU’s skills, most likely through some sort of hazing ritual that Kakashi planned to put an end to as soon as possible.

“What are you doing? Explain yourselves.” He asked, in a flat, carefully controlled tone, conveying his distaste for their actions against the newest member of his team—Uchiha Itachi.

“We wanted to make sure he had the skills to be one of us,” one of the many ANBU responded, showing his displeasure towards Itachi’s appointment.

“Since he’s only eleven,” another replied.

“Do you have a problem with the decision of your superiors?” he asked them, despite not agreeing with the elders’ decision to place Itachi in ANBU himself. Yet, he wasn’t sure what to make of the second comment, for as far as Kakashi knew, Itachi had just recently turned ten, not eleven. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the time to think about that now, he had other matters to attend to—mainly forcing the other ANBU to leave.

“No, it’s not like that—”

“Haven’t you already sensed he’s not ordinary?” He hated bringing attention to Itachi’s reputation as a prodigy, but it was unlikely that the others would stop unless he did. Turning slightly to face the boy, he began to formally introduce himself, “I’m Kakashi, the captain of Team Ro. I know you’re new, but I’d like you to learn the ANBU rules and formations quickly.”

“Yes, sir,” the young voice spoke for the first time since Kakashi had arrived, and it only served to cement his belief that Itachi was still far too young to be in ANBU. Nevertheless, when he had brought this up with the Hokage before, he was not so gently reminded that this decision was not his, but laid with the Hokage and the village elders. _Danzō_ had wanted Itachi to gain more experience, which almost made Kakashi gag. Nothing good would come from Danzō’s tampering.

But it was because of his involvement that Kakashi was hesitant to say more. Danzō had far too much control over the village and the Hokage for him to let anything slip, but perhaps he could say something once Team Ro had taken a mission. No one had protected Kakashi from Danzō’s manipulation after the Kyūbi attack, so he made the impulsive decision to look after Itachi, especially since he was younger than Kakashi had been.

Despite Kakashi’s interference of whatever the other ANBU had been planning for Itachi, they still refused to leave until they had a proper demonstration of his abilities. It had actually been Itachi at that point who had walked toward the targets scattered amongst the trees. In a matter of seconds, Itachi had become airborne, and threw a kunai for each target. Two additional kunai had been thrown, but these were used to change the trajectory of a couple of his previous kunai, in order to strike the targets hiding behind rocks. Within only a few seconds, every single one of the targets had a kunai stuck firmly in the center, and it was only then that Itachi landed, with more grace than a cat.

“he’s good,” came a whisper from the group of ANBU, seemingly in disbelief of the boy’s abilities, despite his reputation.

“He is talented, but making an exception for someone so young is rather unusual for the ANBU,” Tenzō had spoken, obviously searching for the answer to an unasked question.

“Danzō-sama recommended him,” was Kakashi’s response, knowing that Tenzō would understand, he had grown up in Danzō’s underground organization, Root, after all.

“No kidding? He doesn’t fit the mold though.”

“What do you mean?” Kakashi didn’t even try to phrase it indirectly, the information Tenzō provided had surprised him. He hadn’t known that Root members had to fit a specific mold.

“Danzō-sama has his own personal set of criteria for ANBU and Foundation agents.”

“And?” Kakashi knew about Tenzō’s curse mark, so he wasn’t sure how much more information he’d be able to provide, but asked anyways.

“I just can’t see him…” he had trailed off, but his intent was clear: he didn’t think that ANBU, especially Root, would be a good place for Itachi.

Kakashi simply nodded, conveying both his understanding and agreement to what Tenzō had said.

It was relatively soon after Itachi’s demonstration that the other ANBU left, still bitterly muttering about being shown up by an eleven-year-old. With the others’ departure, Kakashi turned to face his squad, “Meeting here was more of a formality, we’re actually going to go train at the forty-fourth training ground.”

He waited just long enough to see two nods before he was up in the trees, on his way to the Forest of Death, with Itachi and Tenzō at his heels.

The Forest of Death was not a misnomer, as some unprepared shinobi _had_ lost their lives within its boundaries; however, the rumors regarding the place tended to be exaggerated, especially by those in ANBU. Considering that the trees completely shielded the place from unwanted attention outside of the gate, and the numerous deadly creatures that resided there, it was the perfect place for ANBU to train.

A few kilometers into the forest, Kakashi turned around to address the other two members of his squad.

“The purpose of this training is simply for me to get a better sense of your abilities,” he spoke, directing his attention toward Itachi, “so for now, you will be facing off against one of my shadow clones.”

Kakashi waited until Itachi nodded in understanding before he made a single shadow clone, “this clone is going to go hide somewhere within a one-kilometer radius of where we are, and will be given a sixty-second head start. Your job is to find and dispose of my clone within thirty minutes.”

The shadow clone stood by until receiving confirmation that Itachi understood, at which point it took off in a random direction, and was quickly out of sight.

Having heard rumors about the Uchiha prodigy, he didn’t expect him to take the full thirty minutes, especially because it was just a simple shadow clone. But he still wanted to set a reasonable time limit since this was a practice to get a glimpse of what the boy was capable of. And for Kakashi at least, a mock battle was easier, and more informational, than receiving a list of a person’s skills.

After sixty seconds had past, Itachi immediately began tracking the clone’s path—not that the clone had made it easy.

Kakashi and Tenzō remained silent after Itachi left, just listening to the sounds of the forest around them. While waiting for him to return, Kakashi’s mind finally had time to think about something the other ANBU had mentioned not even an hour ago. It was nothing more than offhanded comments as they were standing around, but there was something about it that bothered him.

_“I guess you’re no longer the youngest to join ANBU, since Itachi’s eleven,”_ one of them had said after Itachi’s demonstration.

Kakashi could easily admit that Itachi was now the youngest to enter ANBU, but unless he was mistaken, which he knew he wasn’t, Itachi was _ten_ , not eleven. He had been dragged along by Kushina to visit Mikoto, shortly after she had given birth, and he _knew_ that had been ten years ago. He knew because it was the day after a C-rank escort mission with Team Minato had gone wrong, and Kushina (in her own way) was trying to make him feel better.

Sure, simply being on a team with Obito began to change his perspective about what a ninja should be and how they should act, but that mission had been the first major landmark that started the whole process.

_Kakashi had been running since just after dawn, when the mission officially began, but now, now they were being pursued by numerous shinobi, far more skilled than the level they were currently at. Minato-sensei and Obito had stayed behind to hopefully draw the attention away from the main group; however, it seemed as if it hadn’t worked because there were far too many shinobi still in pursuit._

_Not that he would ever admit it, but by the time they reached the rope bridge, Kakashi was almost out of breath, and in no shape to hold off all of their attackers. Despite this, he shouted to Rin to take the group they were escorting across because it was unlikely that the other group would follow them over the border. Unfortunately, it was at this moment that they attacked._

_There were kunai rapidly flying toward him and the group under his protection, so he did what any good shinobi should do: he began deflecting their attack._

_Perhaps it was his exhaustion or the fact that he had looked away for half a second, but one of the kunai slipped by, embedding itself in the shoulder of one of the foreign shinobi, causing him to fall off the bridge and into the stream below. But Kakashi didn’t have time to think about his mistake yet, as there were still more kunai headed their direction._

_It was only after the onslaught of kunai had stopped, that he finally turned around to catch up to the group, only to realize that they were still on the bridge._

_“We need to go back for Minato-sensei, and save the man who fell!” Rin shouted from the front._

_Kakashi snapped at her, stating that the mission needed to come first, and that they needed to cross the bridge right now, and to not worry about those behind them. If they were to complete this mission successfully, they needed to get across the bridge._

_What he hadn’t seen coming, once they had finally reached the other side, were the two traitors amongst their group attempting to kill the remaining member. Although Kakashi had managed to eliminate the traitors quickly, it was soon evident that the dying man carried nothing but a fake scroll._

_Minato-sensei and Obito had shown up just before the man died, just in time to see the fake scroll, which led Obito to make the rash decision to track the fallen shinobi. He argued that even if they had technically made it to the correct area, the scroll was a fake, so their mission was incomplete—or at least that was what he said to persuade Kakashi to his side. Begrudgingly, Kakashi had to (internally) admit that Obito made a good point: without the scroll, their mission was incomplete and unsuccessful, something that he couldn’t stand for._

_Obito was right, they **had** to go back for the final member of the team._

It had been the first time Kakashi ever had to go back for someone to complete a mission, and it stayed with him forever. He would always remember the date, it had been almost ten years and a month ago to the day, which meant that Itachi had only just turned ten. _What the hell had the Hokage allowed Danzō to do?_

Of course, it was then that his shadow clone popped, flooding his mind with brand new memories, making it impossible to continue with his previous thoughts. He took his time sorting through the new memories, as he knew it would take Itachi a couple minutes to get back.

_There were two bright-red eyes staring at him from the forest, a clear indication that Itachi had already caught up. ‘Shit, he’s fast,’ was all he had time to think before the boy began his attack._

_Itachi started by throwing a mix of shuriken and kunai from a distance, clearly trying to discover any potential weaknesses that Kakashi may have, before he came any closer. The genjutsu Itachi had tried to put Kakashi under, while he was attempting to block the shuriken, was broken immediately thanks to the sharingan he possessed._

_Upon realizing that a long-distance fight would get him nowhere, Itachi silently moved around him, waiting for the opportunity to attack to present itself. In order to draw the boy closer, Kakashi purposely created the perfect opportunity for him to take advantage of by turning his back to Itachi._

_The effect was instantaneous, no sooner had he turned around than had Itachi shot forward to attack. He had heard rumors that Itachi and Shisui had been training together, but this cemented the fact in his mind. There was a reason that Shisui had earned the nickname “Shunshin no Shisui,” and it was obvious that he had taught Itachi some of his techniques. But it wasn’t enough, Kakashi had far more experience, and turning around had been a trap to get Itachi closer._

_Dodging Itachi’s sword as it came slicing downward from behind, Kakashi quickly reached behind himself, aiming for Itachi’s wrist in an attempt to throw him off balance by utilizing the momentum from his attack. Leaping out of the way at the last second, Itachi threw a kunai at Kakashi, hoping to distract him for a second while he made his hand signs._

_Less than a second later, however, Kakashi was behind him, with a kunai to his neck. There was a clear difference in experience, but he could tell the boy wasn’t done yet._

_The crows he seemed to explode into was a surprise, and it took Kakashi more time than he was willing to admit to get over his initial shock. Unfortunately for him, this gave Itachi plenty of time, and opportunities, to counterattack from behind._

_He had evidently learned from his previous mistake with the sword, and attacked with a kunai, stabbing quickly at the last second. Kakashi barely had time to dodge, the attack managing to scrape his right shoulder as he moved to the left._

The wound may only have been a scratch, but it had been enough to pop the shadow clone. Analyzing the fight with Itachi from his clone, Kakashi was able to come up with a few areas to address that the boy should work on, but most of what he had seen was better than most chūnin, and even some jōnin, could ever hope to be. And he was only ten.

Even though he had believed the rumors, this short fight between them had shown that it was no fluke that Itachi was called “the Uchiha prodigy,” hell, with more experience and training, it was likely that he would quickly surpass Kakashi. But did _Itachi_ want that? That was the real question.

Kakashi knew from experience what the pressure was like for a shinobi who was considered to be a “prodigy,” and he was willing to bet that Itachi had been forced into ANBU by either his father, the Uchiha clan elders, or the village elders. But a combination of the three was the most likely. Their preconceived expectations of the boy would put a lot of pressure on him, and not everyone was able to handle it. Kakashi certainly wouldn’t have been able to handle it without Minato-sensei or Gai. He sighed internally, and hoped that he would be able to convince Itachi to confide in someone, whether it be himself, Shisui, or someone else.

As soon as Itachi arrived back to their position, Kakashi did not hesitate to inform him of what he had noticed during their fight.

“Overall, you did very well; however, there were a few places that could use some improvement, but most of the improvements will come with experience.”

The discussion lasted only a few minutes longer, ending with Kakashi demonstrating some techniques that could be beneficial for Itachi. Deciding that now was as good of a time as any, he then notified his squad that they would be doing a team exercise, to learn more about each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and how to work together. The whole time he was telling them about this exercise, he made sure to emphasize that those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash. A lesson he had learned the hard way through the death of Obito, his teammate, his friend.

It would be a fairly simple exercise—finding and retrieving a scarf from one of Kakashi’s summons, Bisuke. To make it harder than Itachi’s individual assessment, Kakashi decided that Bisuke could hide anywhere within the Forest of Death, and he had also been instructed to make their pursuit as difficult as possible.

More than anything, this activity was to ensure that his squad understood the basic hand-signals, and could work together as a team. Even though Kakashi knew he and Tenzō worked well as a team, it was also important that Itachi worked well with them.

Bisuke had been given a thirty-minute head start while Kakashi had explained the rules of the activity, and had given a hand-signal refresher to both Tenzō and Itachi. The hand-signals were never designed to communicate complicated messages, but they served their purpose during espionage and assassination missions by allowing for silent communication.

ANBU teams that had worked together for years relied less on hand-signals, as they had spent years learning the body language of their other team members, and could easily decipher the correct signal from the slight twitch of each other’s muscles. However, Kakashi’s squad did not have that luxury, and therefore relied on hand-signals more heavily.

In the end, it took them close to thirty minutes to find and retrieve the scarf from Bisuke, and that was all the time Kakashi needed to determine that Team Ro would make for an excellent tracking squad. Unfortunately, he was all too aware of the fact that they would most likely end up being an assassination squad because of his chidori, Tenzō’s mokuton, and the sharingan both he and Itachi possessed.

With the sun beginning to descend toward the horizon, Kakashi called it a day, and dismissed the rest of his team, while he went to deliver his report to the Hokage.

* * *

“Are you getting used to the job?” Kakashi asked, seemingly out of the blue, as he and Itachi were standing guard outside of the Hokage’s office. It had only been a week since Itachi had joined Team Ro, but he had shown himself to be a fairly quick learner, much like Kakashi had been.

“Not yet.”

“That’s unlike you,” it was meant to be a joke, but for some reason, Kakashi’s voice had come out flat instead. His worry about Itachi taking it as an insult was relieved with the boy’s response.

“I haven’t gone out on a mission yet.”

“Protecting Hokage-sama is a mission in of itself.” But Kakashi knew what he meant. Itachi hadn’t been on a _real_ mission, an _assassination_ mission, yet. Team Ro had mostly been assigned to guard the Hokage for the past week, in the hopes of having them learn to work together before they were sent out on more intense missions. His thoughts were proven correct when Itachi turned toward him with a question.

“Isn’t the ANBU an assassination and special tactical unit?”

“Well, we’re not at war right now,” although that was technically true, the relationships with the neighboring countries were still rocky at best, but it was the answer he gave. Kakashi didn’t want Itachi to feel guilty for being the reason their team hadn’t gone on a real mission yet. Part of it had been the Hokage, but part of it had also been Kakashi’s reluctance to take a ten-year-old on an assassination mission.

Kakashi had looked up Itachi’s public birth certificate in secret after that first day, but there had been obvious signs of alteration, an indication that he had been right about Itachi’s true age. But also, it had been a confirmation of his fears: the Hokage had allowed this, had allowed either Danzō or someone else, to tamper with Itachi’s birth certificate to make him officially older.

Although it had made Kakashi beyond furious, there was nothing he could do about it without serious repercussions. He knew without a doubt that there was no way he could ever consider going up against Danzō, and it wasn’t just the massive difference in experience that made him wary. When Kakashi had rescued Tenzō from him, it had become obvious what lengths the man would go to in order to accomplish his goals. Even so, there was a traitorous voice in the back of his mind had commented, “ _maybe this is what Sakumo went through_ ,” but he had quickly squashed that thought as soon as it came, not wanting to remember anything to do with that man.

It was less than an hour after their conversation that the Hokage stepped out of his office, purposely not looking at either of them as he did so.

“Kakashi,” he spoke carefully, “As the Hokage, every deployment I order is an official one; however, I cannot ignore Danzō’s view that there is an underside to this mission. Therefore, a separate, unofficial team will be dispatched.”

“One that the Hokage didn’t order?” Kakashi asked, dreading the answer he knew was coming.

“You will work under Danzō.”

Kakashi felt his stomach drop, he knew it had been a possibility since this would be an unofficial mission, but he had hoped that it would be under anyone but Danzō. He couldn’t go back, not alone anyways, and he sure as hell didn’t want to take Itachi or Tenzō with him. But he knew what the Hokage had done, he had made it so the only two people who knew about this plan were him and Itachi, meaning that it would have to be the two of them.

“On the surface, this is a diplomatic mission, we will be exchanging intel with the Hannya Black Ops of the Land of Woods at the border,” a gruff voice, which sent shivers down Kakashi’s neck, said from within the office, “However, I believe this is an enemy trap. Lord Third agrees with me on this.”

“The ANBU will guard the team on the official mission,” he continued, “when the enemy turns on the team and attacks, kill them. Leave no survivors.”

“Total annihilation?” Kakashi knew Danzō was ruthless, but it was still disconcerting to hear him state it so bluntly, causing him to request confirmation.

“We must show them that the Hidden Leaf does not tolerate betrayal,” the man replied with an edge to his voice, showing his devotion to this plan, to his ideals.

It was at that moment that Kakashi made a split-second decision, one that he would probably regret later: to take Itachi with him.

“I’d like to be in a two-man squad with Itachi,” he requested, knowing that Danzō would agree. He was, after all, the one who had pushed for Itachi to enter ANBU the most.

“Fine.”

This was a situation that Kakashi wanted out of as soon as possible, and since the Hokage had already left, he decided to use it as an excuse to leave as well.

“If I may take my leave…” He trailed off, hoping to emphasize that this conversation was finished, and that he had a job to return to. Unfortunately, he wasn’t so lucky, as less than a second later, Danzō spoke up.

“Kakashi,” just hearing his name coming from the other man made Kakashi unconsciously freeze, much like a deer upon sensing a predator, “I recognize your worth as an ANBU, I’m even tempted to pull you away into my Foundation.”

Inside, his stomach dropped, just like it did when falling from the top of a tree. Meanwhile, the voice in the back of his head was screaming for Kakashi to just run away, to run away and never return. But instead, he steeled himself, and carefully replied, “surely you jest.”

“I’m serious. You have the right qualities. A quality called darkness.”

With every word Danzō uttered, the voice in the back of his mind screamed louder and louder, until it was nothing more than an incomprehensible roar. His eyes widened behind his mask, as the realization of what Danzō had meant hit him. _Darkness_ , he had said, but Kakashi knew that’s not what he meant, what he meant was _traumatized_.

But with the mere thought of _trauma_ , Kakashi was sent back, back to Rin. Rin, who was spitting up blood because of the wound to her heart. The wound Kakashi had created, as his arm went straight through her body. Rin, who he had promised to protect.

While his mind was still trying to shove these thoughts down, Kakashi’s body seemed to have moved on its own. Because when he finally came to, both he and Itachi stood outside of a different room, one he suspected the Hokage was in. If Itachi had noticed his panic, he hadn’t mentioned it, for which Kakashi was grateful.

The nightmares that night were worse than usual, and seemed never-ending from the moment he closed his eyes. Despite knowing he had an early start for the mission, Kakashi stopped attempting to sleep at around three in the morning, after a particularly graphic dream _, or was it a memory?_ Some days Kakashi couldn’t tell the difference between the two.

However, after only a half hour of laying wide awake in his bed, his hands began itching to do something, _anything_. Training was out of the question because of his mission in a few hours, so he decided to get an early start on breakfast, figuring he could make some for Naruto as well.

In the week since he swore to make him breakfast as much as possible, Kakashi had managed to bring some over nearly every day. Of course, it had helped that he hadn’t been on any missions that had lasted more than a few hours that week. This would be the first time he would be going out on a multiple day mission since Naruto had officially met him as Kakashi, and he was worried; he didn’t want Naruto thinking he had abandoned him.

Kakashi had felt abandoned after Sakumo died, and, if he was being honest, it was probably one of the reasons he had kept his friends at such a distance after that _incident_ ; he didn’t want to be left behind again, to be abandoned. But the universe was cruel, and he was left behind anyways. _The only one left_ , his traitorous mind provided.

Not wanting to think about his past anymore, Kakashi let his mind drift toward Itachi. It had already been a week since Itachi had joined Team Ro, yet Kakashi was no closer to getting to know Itachi outside of ANBU. From what he could tell, Itachi was a fairly closed-off person, especially during his time in ANBU, preferring to keep a professional demeanor.

He was _conflicted_. Itachi, from an outsider’s perspective, was the definition of a perfect ANBU. He never questioned orders, and always managed to complete the mission with relative ease. But there was something about him that worried Kakashi, and perhaps he was being self-centered, but he almost reminded him of one of his former teammates—Nohara Rin.

Of course it wasn’t a perfect comparison, for Rin had always been fairly outgoing, and had numerous friends around the village, while Kakashi barely knew Itachi beyond ANBU. But, he wouldn’t have survived this long as a shinobi, let alone in ANBU, if he wasn’t perceptive, and besides, he had plenty of experience with carefully crafted façades.

It had been the little things that stood out the most. The way Itachi nervously tensed the muscles in his legs slightly when someone was talking about him, the protectiveness that simmered just below the surface whenever his younger brother was mentioned, and of course, the absolute dedication to Konoha above almost everything else, especially their own lives.

So perhaps it had been selfish for him to suggest that Itachi learn some medical ninjutsu, but there had been a voice that wouldn’t go away, in the back of his mind, screaming that Itachi was not suited to be an assassin, to be ANBU. He had reasoned that Itachi would be the perfect member of his squad to learn medical ninjutsu because of his near-perfect chakra control, and between Kakashi and Tenzō, one of them usually ended up injured during their missions (usually him).

Kakashi hadn’t been sure how the Hokage and Itachi would take the suggestion, but to his surprise, the Hokage accepted his proposal, and Itachi almost looked relieved for a fraction of a second. It was doubtful that anyone would have noticed the miniscule shift in Itachi’s body posture unless they were specifically looking for it, and even then, there was still a significant chance they would have missed it.

Although Kakashi was of the opinion that Itachi shouldn’t be in ANBU to begin with, at least he was able to persuade him to learn more than just assassination techniques. He didn’t want Itachi to become someone like him, he wanted him to be _better_.

He knew it wouldn’t be easy, ANBU never was, but he would do everything within his power to support him. Because he was a part of Team Ro, a comrade. Ever since Obito’s death, since the Third Shinobi War, Kakashi had been unable to willingly abandon a teammate. Obito’s words had haunted his thoughts ever since that day.

“ _Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash!”_

* * *

The mission had only taken three days, but somehow it seemed like it had been longer. Of course, missions like these always seemed long to Kakashi, but this mission in particular had been difficult. The ache in his heart after assassinations always served as a reminder of his own humanity, but the look of disappointment Gai had given him during the attack only served to deepen the pain he felt. He wished Gai never had to have seen this side of him. Gai, who chose to see the best in people, had watched as he and Itachi _massacred_ the other side.

However, if there was any positive to this whole ordeal, it was that Kakashi thought that Itachi was beginning to open up to him. Or, at the very least, had begun to ask Kakashi questions about himself. Even if some of them had been difficult questions that he really didn’t want to answer.

_“Rumor has it that you’d kill a comrade for the sake of a mission,” Itachi had stated, practically begging for the answer to the question of why Kakashi had gone so far to protect him and the others during the enemy’s attack._

_“I’ll never let my friends get killed,” he replied simply, leaving the most important part unsaid: not again, never again. He remembered his promise to a dying Obito, and continued, “that’s why I was entrusted with this sharingan.”_

He didn’t have time to go into much more detail at that point, since they were in the middle of a fight, but it was clear that Itachi at least partially understood the meaning behind his words. It hadn’t been until they were back in the village that Itachi had hesitantly continued their conversation.

_“Captain, that sharingan wasn’t originally yours, was it?”_

_Kakashi simply shook his head, curious as to where Itachi was going with this question._

_“Aren’t you uncomfortable about possessing a power that wasn’t your own? You’re not an Uchiha, yet you possess the sharingan, so you wield the same power as the Uchiha. Whose side are you on?”_

_Kakashi was all too used to the disapproving looks that members of the Uchiha clan gave him for daring to walk around with a sharingan eye, Obito’s eye. Theft, the elders had called it. But the way Itachi asked him, the fact that he was even asking for his opinion, reminded him of a child learning that their parents weren’t infallible for the first time. Despite the mission they had just come out of, there was almost an air of innocence, of pure curiosity, to his questions._

_“I’ve never thought about it in that way,” he began cautiously, “a friend entrusted this sharingan to me, who made me promise to never forget what’s important.”_

_“A friend?”_

_“Yes, to never let a friend get killed,” with that statement, Kakashi turned around in order to give Danzō his mission report, not answering the real question that had been asked. It may have been years since Obito’s death, Kakashi still couldn’t say his former teammate’s name out loud, it was still too soon, too fresh in his mind._

With everything that had been happening recently, Kakashi hadn’t had time to visit Rin and Obito’s graves, so that’s what he did as soon as he left the ANBU headquarters. While he was putting his equipment away in the locker room, Tenzō had mentioned how he thought Kakashi was an exceptional ANBU, and it made him realize something: he was not suited to be ANBU. But Tenzō was young, and had grown up in Root, so his confusion toward Kakashi’s seemingly sudden admission was evident.

Itachi and Tenzō were rarities amongst ANBU, for all the bloodshed they had seen or caused, they remained somewhat naïve toward the workings of the world. They wanted to see the good in others, especially when it came to their superiors, but Kakashi had long since been disillusioned of this particular belief. He had seen far too much grief and death to ever believe that people could be good for the sake of being good. If there had been one thing he had learned from Danzō, it had been that there were always people with ulterior motives, and could not be fully trusted. But, if he had the ability, Kakashi would do whatever it took to protect both of them from what he had experienced. For he had come to the conclusion that they were less suited to the ANBU lifestyle than he was.

Kakashi was still standing by the memorial stone when he felt Gai’s presence behind him. Neither of them said anything for several minutes, but it was Kakashi who finally broke the silence, still facing the stone.

“Sorry about what happened on the mission.”

“No—I’m sorry too.” His apology had come as a slight surprise to Kakashi, who had never heard him apologize so sincerely before.

“I had been told there was a _darkness_ to ANBU, but I didn’t believe it before.”

His wording bothered Kakashi, because there was only one person, that he knew of, who would connect the word ‘darkness’ to ANBU, and he hoped with his whole being that he was wrong when he finally asked Gai about it.

“Who told you about the darkness in ANBU?” He had tried to keep a neutral tone, but he wasn’t sure if he had succeeded. _Please let me be wrong_ , he practically begged, silently.

Gai looked startled, either from Kakashi’s tone or question, or possibly both, but he eventually stuttered out, “D- Danzō-sama.”

His response filled Kakashi with dread, and a kind of anger that he couldn’t quite name. It was the combination of these two feelings that forced Kakashi to spin around to face Gai, practically yelling for him to stay away from Danzō, no matter what.

There was probably a wild look in his eyes because Gai gave him a look of surprise, or maybe it was because he had never witnessed Kakashi yelling in desperation before. It was only then that Kakashi was able to properly name the other feeling he had, and it hadn’t been anger, it had been _fear_. Kakashi was _afraid_ of losing Gai, the only person he had left.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” to what? Yell? To show emotion? To be afraid? There were too many things Kakashi regretted about his impulsive outburst, but to his surprise, Gai no longer seemed upset.

“Kakashi, I understand.”

His voice was so sincere, so earnest, that Kakashi couldn’t help but believe him. Just like when they were children, when Gai had announced, to the whole academy, that Kakashi was his eternal rival, his _man of destiny_. The memory brought a slight smile to his face, and possibly made him blush, not that anyone would be able to tell because of his mask. Still, he didn’t deserve a friend like Gai, but unlike before, he wasn’t going to push him away. Not anymore.

“so, you won’t go near him again?” his voice was soft, with his concern on full display. Kakashi had calmed down at this point, but he still wanted, no, _needed_ confirmation that Gai wouldn’t be anywhere near Danzō again.

“Of course not! And I never go back on my word!”

It wasn’t until Gai promised that Kakashi realized how tense the whole Danzō situation had made him. Standing by the memorial stone with Gai behind him, while the sun slowly sunk below the horizon, Kakashi could feel himself beginning to relax.

He had no idea how long they stood there together, in complete silence, but the sun had almost set completely by the time Kakashi finally said something.

“I promised to take Naruto out for ramen after this mission …would you like to come?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yosh! Let’s see who can eat the most bowls of ramen!”

Kakashi hummed in acceptance of the new challenge, not bothering to remind Gai that he’d only eaten food pills for the past few days. He walked silently next to Gai as he exclaimed what his ‘punishment’ would be if he lost the whole way to Naruto’s apartment.

And, in that moment, he finally knew what other people meant when they wished to stay in a single moment forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! I had it done last weekend, but then my wifi went out for about a week, so :/  
> This chapter was heavily based on Naruto Shippuden episode 357, but the c-rank mission I mentioned was actually from later on (I forget exactly which episode), and was supposed to be Team Minato's first c-rank, but here it's a year or so after they became a team.
> 
> I don't expect to get another chapter out within a week because I'm headed to a different state to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday, but I'll do my best to get the next chapter up earlier than this one was!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me and for reading, I hope you enjoyed!  
> And, as always, if you feel I characterized someone wrong, let me know how I can improve for later on!

**Author's Note:**

> My heart hurt writing this chapter, but things will get better in the next one! Hopefully!


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